MIDNIGHT MADNESS (night after night after …)
In the quiet hours of the night, I can relive my life.
It’s like a movie playing over and over, haunting me with all of the good times, bad times, and times that almost were.
My body doesn’t move, but my mind runs faster and faster, recalling days long gone.
Like when I was a child experiencing my first sign of puberty;
If I knew then what I know now; If I knew then what I know now.
Sometimes I relive my heart breaking for the very first time,
And the pain is still there
As if 75 months and 2 days never passed,
And the hurt feels like yesterday,
And as I shift sides,
I see all of my insecurities, failures, and faults,
Lurking in a corner,
And they’ve been with me for so long; they look like old friends.
So, I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad.
And it feels like 30 years have gone by,
But it’s only been minutes.
There’s a man that once made me happy,
Or at least what I thought was happy,
And then I think wow,
He was a complete waste of my time.
And that takes me into thoughts of other wasted moments,
And right before I drown in the sorrow,
Right before I choke on the agony,
I remember my friend and I jumping in the car to drive to the mall,
And we didn’t stop until 500 miles later.
That makes me laugh,
And deep within me I know I should be trying to sleep,
But I can’t find sleep,
And just when I decide to look for it,
My college days run by;
Those were some interesting years.
Sleep never comes,
And as the sun peeks through,
I realize that my alarm is going off,
And the night is over,
And it’s a new day to make a new memory,
And I feel satisfaction flowing through me because I feel good just knowing I’ve lived.
I wonder, am I the only one who goes through this kind of midnight madness?
© 1996 M. Tonnette